Pictures of Nancy: Putting Things in Your Relationship in Perspective.
October 17, 2019
#5
Gentle reader,
It's been a while since I wrote to you. Not that I've been super busy, I was wondering what to write about next. Here are links to the previous articles:
As Our Relationship Progressed. Finding Balance and Trust.
Relationship Grows and How To Complement Someone. The Best Way Verses The Usual Way.
So You Are In A New Relationship. How Do You Stay In It?
But first, as always, pictures of Nancy, the love of my life. One of the things about her that caught my eye from the beginning was her long dark hair.
Above, we'd driven up into the mountains of Virginia and she'd climbed up on some rocks. Looks like she was satisfied with her perch.
There are SO many cool things about her that I like and am grateful for. She doesn't hesitate to do or try things, something I have struggled with my entire life. So, scrambling up a tree, just for fun? Not many women would do that.
I know that far off look, she's thinking.
In Japan, a woman who has a long elegant neck is considered especially beautiful.
This series of three shots with her hair up, she was working as a paralegal then, and had just arrived home.
So many of us don't consider ourselves attractive, she is one of them. She is still flattered that I want to make photos of her.
She'd curled her hair one day and I loved the looks, so she posed for me in her form fitting sweater.
Her tiny waist is evident in this photo.
Since I have chosen to use this blog as not only a way to share her beauty with you, but also to share what we have learned about making a marriage work.
Too often, as I have written before, people rush into a relationship. This is usually a bad idea.
The woman I dated prior to meeting Nancy, as I was saying goodnight to her on our FIRST date, invited me in.
I declined politely, stating I never go to bed with someone I've just met. She insisted, "Scott, you don't realize, you are dealing with a very horny woman!"
Yikes! So, I did, reluctantly, sleep with her. It freaked me out, but it HAD been years, remembering the last time sex happened in my marriage was also a surprise. But I won't go into that, but that ONE time yielded our forth and last child.
We did continue to date, but it became obvious we were not a good fit. She even told me near the end, that she realized that she was merely a way station in my life.
So, what went wrong? We had nothing in common, other than both being divorced with kids. She was an accountant and frankly, not that interesting.
We'd met due to a woman in the church's adult singles group I belonged to, telling me about her friend L___, whom she had told me about. So, I agreed to meet her. L___ came the next Sunday.
Why I have brought L___ up is this: Despite any or all differences I have had with whatever woman I was in a relationship with, I was LOYAL. The thought of cheating has never entered my mind. EVER. Whether my partner may have cheated, I am not aware of. It's possible.
So, I continued the relationship even after Nancy and I had formed our friendship. I was a complete gentleman with Nancy, strictly platonic.
On time, Nancy drove on one of our outings, as I was about to get out of her car, she grabbed me and kissed me! "What was that for?", I asked. "I got tired of waiting for you to kiss me." "But, what about L___ and M___?" "Do you care more for her than you do about me?", she asked. I admitted, I did not, and she did not care for him more than she did for me.
So, that night, be both broke up with the others. It did not go well. Worse for Nancy, he argued all night trying to keep hold of her.
A week or so after that, my phone rang around midnight, I assumed it was Nancy, it was not. "Hi, Scott, how are you?" "I'm fine..." "You're supposed to be miserable!" and she slammed the phone down. This was long before cell phones.
Once we married, we moved into the same neighborhood L___ lived in. It wasn't planned that way, it was the right house, right place and right rent amount. That summer, we and all six kids (my four and her two) were at the neighborhood pool. L___ shows up and sees my older daughter in the water, and asked her, "What are you doing here?" "Oh, my dad lives in this down that way." "Oh, where is he?" She pointed the way to where Nancy and I were lounging. Uh, oh.
We stood up and I introduced the two women. Nancy was in a bikini and looking fine. "So, where did you meet?", L___ asked. "At work." "Ah, so this is who you left me for?" Awkward.
But, seeing her years later, with a new baby, she had married a fellow accountant. Being "fixed" after the forth baby in my first marriage, she would have never gotten a child from me.
As I have stated in the first article in this series, I believe that things happen in our lives for a reason. We are given free will to choose, but if we make the wrong choice, eventually we find out.
If one is living a faithful life, a new opportunity, a new person, a new life is possible, if we are open to it. But it takes faith and prayer.
My life has been truly blessed, not with wealth, but with joy. I have certainly had dark times, struggled, fought, cried, and been furious. But none of those things have occurred since Nancy came into my life.
Is SHE responsible for that? Partly, but so am I. But the real reason such happiness, and twenty-three years of fight-free marriage occurred is it was meant to be.
We are given free will, but there IS a course we are supposed to follow. In both of our cases, we chose the wrong spouse the first time around. Both marriages yielded children, which is joyful, but there was much misery and fighting in both cases.
We were each the ones that decided the marriages were over. Oh, my ex was all for me leaving, pushed me to do so for years, but the kids..... I did not want to leave them. And my suggestion that since she wanted the marriage to end that she was free to leave, well, that idea fell flat.
IF I had not married my first wife, I would never have met Nancy. If she had not married her first husband, she would not have taken the job where we both eventually met.
You see, my wife refused to get a job, wanted to stay home, pop out a new baby every two years and raise them. So, I had to work a series of part time jobs to make ends meet. One such job that I really enjoyed, was where Nancy and I met. But, I had left that job to try something else.
Yet, something, I believe it was a message from above, caused me to call them up and inquire about coming back. They were delighted to have me return. And Nancy was still working there.
To conclude, it is far to easy to get into the routine of life and accept the situation we are in. Change is hard. And frightening. Yet, if I had not accepted the challenge of changes as they became necessary, I would likely now still be a very old auto mechanic, married to someone I did not love.
It is a huge world we live in with countless opportunities. To be happy in the life we live, we must be open to change. There have been billions of people over the tens of thousands of years we have inhabited this fragile planet, that never ventured more than ten miles from where they were born. Even today, that is the situation for countless people. They cannot imagine anywhere else in the world. It is all they know, and for all they know, all there is. Think of desert dwellers who only know extreme heat in the day and freezing at night, the struggle to find food and water. Or Inuit peoples, where half of the year it's VERY cold and dark, and again the struggle to find food and warmth.
Yet, in this modern age, people who have access to the Internet can finally see what they have been missing. What a shock it must be to realize that the entire world is not like whatever corner of the world they live in. Yet, poverty or repressive government or both, prevents them from traveling.
Yet some do. Where do so many people want to move? The United States of America. We, aside from Indians, are all from somewhere else originally. Even the Indians once came from Asia. By the way, most Indians prefer to be called Indians.
In America, not the "greatest" country in the world, especially these days, we have the freedom to move to wherever we wish. To make choices and changes as we see fit. Or not. But we have that choice. Always, there is a choice.
LIFE is about choices. Be open to them. Be not afraid. Fear leads to misery. Listen to the clues that are being offered to you.
If you are not in a happy relationship, get out of it. Don't like your job? Look for a better one. Don't like where you live? Move. It is ALL up to you.
Thank you for taking the time to read this series of articles. I am enjoying writing them and pray that you get something good from my words.
Scott
October 17, 2019
#5
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