Nancy as Coolest Mom! There is More To Parenting Than The Basics

May 4, 2022

#5

Gentle reader,

It's been WAY too long since I have written to you. To my surprise and delight, a lot more people have been reading this than last I checked. 

I recently came across some photos of Nancy and her girls doing something unusual. I scanned them all and will use them in this chapter to illustrate the title's meaning.

All were shot on film because consumer digital cameras were still a pipe dream at the time these were made. Two types of cameras were used.

This is a climbing wall, which was once a feature of our local Galyans Trading Company. I don't recall the exact height because this was back in the late 1990's.

Nancy brought her two girls into our marriage, Jessica and Rebecca. Both are in their thirties now. But, they were eight and nine when we wed.

Bekka is closest in this picture and higher up. 

Perspective is everything. The employee on the right side, above, shows they were not far from the floor at this point.

Even though Bekka is younger than Jessica (she calls her "Jekka", although if using her shortening factor it should be "Sikka"). Jess is special needs. 

From and early age Rebecca seemed to figure that out. They are 53 weeks apart which meant that Nancy was about to pop Rebecca out at Jessica's first birthday party.

Because I was not present during the years (minus one or so) before we wed. I have only photographs in albums and Nancy's stories to go by.

It wasn't until both were in their senior year of high school, that Jess found out she was "different". The four of us were driving along and talking about their schooling. All of a sudden, Jessica said, "Wait a minute! Are you saying that I'm in Special Ed?" "Yes." "When were you going to tell me?" "We thought you already did." "I did NOT!"

The conversation continued after that, but it was obvious that Jessica was thinking about this new information.

Back to their climb: Jessica slipped when they were about three quarters of the way up and the employee who was "belaying" her stopped her fall and lowered her to the floor. She decided not to try again. She had not given up, having almost made it, but knowing her as we did, she did far better than we expected and we praised her for it.

Bekka made it to the top and rang the bell. Since I was the photographer and Nancy was itching to give it a try, she was roped up.

Nancy learned to scuba dive and did other adventurous things "in a former life". That's how we refer to our first marriages. My former life was far less so, as my wife was content to stay home and pop out a new baby every two years. She also refused to get a job, so I had to work two of them to make ends meet.

Nancy can be very determined and is this case, she WAS going to reach the top of that wall!

And reach it, she did! 

Unlike some climbing walls, you couldn't climb over the top, so you have to rappel or climb back down.

Nancy chose the latter. I was very proud of all three of them. Galyans no longer exists and I suppose that wall or parts of it, might be in use somewhere else.

This is a pair of photos of the girls, Jessica on the left and Rebecca on the right, about the same age when they tackled that wall.

A less formal picture of the two of them, goofing off. Yes, the townhouse we rented when we got married had GREEN carpet in the upstairs hallway.

Since none of their faces showed in the wall climbing photos, I have added this one of Nancy, in a tree.

These days, especially with the still looming chance of getting Covid, life for families is very tough. So, I fully understand how easy it is to hand to, or buy for, your child a "device" to entertain them while you try to get something done.

I am going to give you an excellent analogy, which you can verify. If you have not seen the Disney/Pixar film, Wall-E: WALL·E | Disney Movies, watch it, without your kids. Observe how people on the spaceship interact. They DON'T. 

Sure, they have "face time", and make plans to do things, but they NEVER actually TALK to each other, or DO anything together. It is ALL virtual. And look at the TERRIBLE condition their bodies are in as a result! The robots on the ship fulfill their every need. They don't have to lift a finger, except to stuff food in their mouths. I think that was one of two MAIN messages of the film. Which is, that we have become a disconnected world of people who spend much of their time observing things on their phone. But RARELY interact with the environment and people around them.

Go ahead, take a trip to any place where people are outside of their cars. If they are standing or seated, they are looking at their PHONES. If they talk at all with those they are with, they are likely showing each other what they are watching on their phones! If they are at lunch or dinner, almost everyone is looking at their phones, instead of TALKING with each other! Other times, if they are walking somewhere, they are looking at their phones. Complete LACK of situational awareness! And don't get me started on people who are looking at their phones while DRIVING!

While no one will admit it, we, myself included, are addicted to the Internet. I deliberately have a flip-phone. I have never wanted anything more. All I use it for is talking or texting and do little of either. Like you, I message via Facebook posts and their messaging.

Let me ask you: How many social media apps do you use? In my case, one: Facebook. Nancy joined it when the kids were teens because she wanted to find out what they were up to. They posted EVERYTHING on Facebook! After a bit, I too joined. 

It IS addictive! And I have been able to reconnect with friends and family from the past. And, have made REAL friends with people who are near me, which I never would have met otherwise. 

This happened: I noticed that every time I came into the office at work, I saw that the leadman (an interface position between us and the supervisor) was always on Facebook. So, I said something to him one time. He told me a couple days later, "Scott, you were right, I did not realize how much time I was on Facebook. I get SO much work done now!" Amazing, take away Internet distractions and you do what you were hired to do!

When they provided free wi-fi at work, I KNEW it was going to be a problem. And it was. Oh, there were stern warnings about getting caught on their phones. But, they never followed through. It's like saying to hungry children. "In the playroom, there are now piles of candy on the table. Now, you go on and play as you always have. But do NOT eat any candy!" Seriously? 

You are too young, likely, to know who Brer Rabbit was. Frankly, the story was very racist, but, Brer Fox had caught Brer Rabbit and was holding him by his ears. Rabbit (I have no idea what "brer" means) said to Fox, "Please don't throw me in that briar patch! It would hurt me so bad!" Which is precisely what Fox did. Rabbit bounded away, since he grew up in the briar patch and knew how to avoid the thorns! 

I am not trying to shame you, nor am I asking you to give up your phone. They are amazing devices! And we have become dependent upon them because they make life easier. It would be like trying to put the toothpaste back in the tube. However, we, as residents of this beautiful planet, are spending WAY too much time online when we should be enjoying the WORLD and people around us!

There IS an alternative one can try. They are called "Dumb Phones". The look and work like smart ones, but do not connect to the Internet. Some people are admitting their addiction and are using dumb phones to break their dependence.

I am typing this on my desktop PC, I have a laptop too, which I mainly use for the weekly Zoom call with my siblings and our mother. The rest of the week, it sits unused. Same with a tablet Nancy gave me. I rarely use it. 

Admittedly, when we married in 1996, I was perfectly content with my portable typewriter. Nancy was given an older friends old PC, every time he bought a newer model. When she was using the second one, a Gateway 2000 386, I was watching her work in a word processing program. I saw her copy and paste a paragraph. "Whoa! How did you DO that? And what else can this do?" That was the beginning of the slippery slope that led to the Internet...

I am 65 and have lived in seven decades, two centuries and two millennium. So, I have seen and done a lot. I still have paper maps in my car. We still have a landline telephone. Heck, we still have VHS videotapes, cassette audio tapes, LP records, CDs and DVDs. Yes, we could have all of that "in the cloud" accessible anywhere via our smartphones. But that makes those things not REAL. They are not physical. Tactile. I do not read books or magazines digitally either. Real ones made of paper for me, thank you.

To conclude, please watch Wall-E, and observe the humans. Watch how the two who meet by chance suddenly realize all the things they NEVER noticed in the ship. Then see how when they get back to Earth just how much work they have ahead of them to rebuild the earth their ancestors screwed up so badly, that THEY had to LEAVE IT.

That is the second MAIN point of the film. That WE humans have and continue to SO pollute the earth, water and air, that someday, our descendants might HAVE to LEAVE earth for good!

Finally, a balance between digital entertainment and quality time and physical activities WITH our spouses and children needs to be found. It will not be easy, but it WILL be worth it. 

This is a series of photos I made when Bekka's family joined Nancy and I for a walk at the Neabsco Creek Boardwalk, here in Woodbridge, Virginia.

That's Nancy, with her back to us, and Bekka and her husband, Jonathan. We had a wonderful time, as we always do when visiting, walking, talking and taking photos of all the natural beauty there. Her kids, especially Angelo, the youngest, were SO excited when we told them where we were going!

While this looks posed, or digitally enhanced, it is neither. This is exactly what I saw there and captured in my camera. I call it, "Deer takes pet turtle for a walk." Have YOU ever seen anything like this? I imagine there are many nice outdoor places not far from where you live, that you and your kids can visit, observe and enjoy too.

Thank you for taking the time to read this article. Below are links to the previous four chapters:

Have You Met Your Soulmate? I Have. Let Me Show You Nancy.

As Our Relationship Progressed. Finding Balance and Trust.

Relationship Grows and How To Complement Someone. The Best Way Verses The Usual Way. 

So You Are In A New Relationship. How Do You Stay In It?

Scott

May 4, 2022 "May the forth be with you." 

#5