So You Are In A New Relationship. How Do You Stay In It?
August 2, 2019
#3
Gentle reader,
I freely admit that I am not an expert on anything. I think that word, and "hero" are too freely used.
However, I have been in a number of relationships and two marriages. So I have learned a thing or two. Both good and bad.
I link all previous chapters here in chronological order so that if you just came across this page, you can get caught up.
But first, some pictures of Nancy!
Taken on our honeymoon in the Bahamas in 1996. A female flight attendant on the way down told us to look around and guess how many women would come back with their hair braided. As you can see, it had begun. By the end of the week, all her hair was braided. Geez, I wish I'd used the dust removal program with my scanner.
One of the countless things I love about Nancy is she does not really believe that she is beautiful. And she truly appreciates that I tell her so and prove it by photographing her.
Her hair reached almost to her waist after we got married. She has cut it over the years, but is now letting it grow out.
This series shows the setting sunlight which highlights the colors not seen in her hair.
Always willing to pose, even simply in a sweatshirt, casually in front of the desk. Taken in the marital home, a townhouse which we did not move into until the day after we wed.
Now, to the subject at hand. How does one keep the relationship going?
Another great book that I recommend is titled LIFEMATES The Love Fitness Program For A Lasting Relationship by Harold Bloomfield, M.D. and Sirah Vettese, Ph.D. with Robert Kory. A quick Internet search revealed many copies available for sale. SO many things did I highlight as I read the book!
It sits on my bookshelf right next to where I'm sitting, for quick reference. I'm not going to review the book. But, I highly recommend it. I'm sure there are many more recent books that can help you BOTH make the choices which will strengthen and solidify the relationship. And that IS what you want to do, right?
As I mentioned before, do NOT jump into bed with someone new! Physical intimacy in the form of sex should be a long term goal not the primary one. One night stands are not the way to happiness.
Lovemaking should be what the title states, showing your LOVE for one another physically.
There is a funny scene in That 70's Show in which Eric Foreman's parents are trying to give him tips on sex, Kitty says, "Foreplay is very important." Red, "Oh, no, it's not." "Yes, it is!" And so on, in the meantime, Eric is mentally freaking out that his parents are talking to him about sex.
Since I brought it up, think of lovemaking as a marathon, not a fifty yard dash. I will not go into the Kama Sutra, I'm trying to keep this PG. Take your time. Start with slowly undressing each other. Explore each other with gentle touches. Give each other a back rub to ease the day's tensions. Slowly build the desire within each other.
Kisses all over will certainly build the excitement. Of course a shower together is a great way to get the juices going. And oral sex is a wonderful way to wake up the respective areas.
OK, now I have to take a minute.....whew! Which leads me to this, just thinking about your partner, is a wonderful way to keep the interest going and growing.
You know what it is like, at least I hope you do, when in a new relationship, all you find yourself doing when apart is thinking about them. Aching to see them. Cursing the fact that you have to work, when all you really want is to BE with them! No reason feeling that has to stop.
Learning about each other is a lifetime pursuit. No one can truly know all about another person. Heck, most of us don't know OURSELVES very well. Which is something one should also work on!
Take an active interest in your partner's interests. I have another blog which I have written 319 articles about BOTH of our interests. Each of us has found things we were excited about over all these years. Many of those interests have waned, others have changed. And I have highlighted many of them in the blog, linked below.
The Robb Collections
My point is, there are SO many facets to BOTH of you. The only way to find out what they are is to TALK about them with each other. ASK questions. And again, I cannot emphasize enough how important it is to actively listen to each other. DO NOT sit there thinking of what you want to say next. LISTEN to what they say. Ask them to explain. Remember, this person is who you chose to be with. So why would you be uninterested in things they like? Think of how good it feels when someone is interested in the same thing that you are. Well, they long for that connection as well.
It is all too easy to get into a rut: Get up, go to work, come home, complain about your day, the traffic, eat dinner, sit down and watch the TV, go to bed. Repeat ad nauseam. Is THAT the kind of life you want?
When we see each other, after a days work, we smile, hug each other tightly and kiss. Every time. Why? Because we are genuinely happy to see each other.
NEVER take each other for granted. Give each other a goodbye kiss when going out the door. Tell them you love them and ask them to drive safely. We add to that by daily praying for each other's safety and safe return.
Brainstorm. Make lists of things you'd like to do together, and PLAN when to do them. SO many people spend way too much time neck bent looking at their phone, swiping and sliding. Oh, they might be making small talk with each other or showing each other what they are looking at. Is that paying attention to EACH OTHER? Of course not.
Science has clearly shown that the light from TVs, tablets and "smart" phones is bad for us. Especially in the evenings. In fact, scientists and physicians recommend that there be a NO-SCREENS rule for the bedroom. Bedrooms should be for sleeping and lovemaking. Any lights by the bed should put out a warm (orange) light. When you look at buying LED bulbs, those for your bedside should have a lower Kelvin rating, around 2000. Daylight bulbs, which are around 5000 mimic the blue light of the sun and tell your brain to wake up. The box the bulbs are in will have a graph showing the light bulb's color. The warmer light spectrum tells you it's time to sleep. If you find you can't relax, read a BOOK, a real made from paper, book, using that warm light. Believe me, it works. I read every night before I go to sleep.
That is enough for now. I hope that you are gaining from my efforts here. While I am far from perfect, we know that we are perfect for each other. I pray that you two feel that way too.
Scott
August 2019
#3
Lovemaking should be what the title states, showing your LOVE for one another physically.
There is a funny scene in That 70's Show in which Eric Foreman's parents are trying to give him tips on sex, Kitty says, "Foreplay is very important." Red, "Oh, no, it's not." "Yes, it is!" And so on, in the meantime, Eric is mentally freaking out that his parents are talking to him about sex.
Since I brought it up, think of lovemaking as a marathon, not a fifty yard dash. I will not go into the Kama Sutra, I'm trying to keep this PG. Take your time. Start with slowly undressing each other. Explore each other with gentle touches. Give each other a back rub to ease the day's tensions. Slowly build the desire within each other.
Kisses all over will certainly build the excitement. Of course a shower together is a great way to get the juices going. And oral sex is a wonderful way to wake up the respective areas.
OK, now I have to take a minute.....whew! Which leads me to this, just thinking about your partner, is a wonderful way to keep the interest going and growing.
You know what it is like, at least I hope you do, when in a new relationship, all you find yourself doing when apart is thinking about them. Aching to see them. Cursing the fact that you have to work, when all you really want is to BE with them! No reason feeling that has to stop.
Learning about each other is a lifetime pursuit. No one can truly know all about another person. Heck, most of us don't know OURSELVES very well. Which is something one should also work on!
Take an active interest in your partner's interests. I have another blog which I have written 319 articles about BOTH of our interests. Each of us has found things we were excited about over all these years. Many of those interests have waned, others have changed. And I have highlighted many of them in the blog, linked below.
The Robb Collections
My point is, there are SO many facets to BOTH of you. The only way to find out what they are is to TALK about them with each other. ASK questions. And again, I cannot emphasize enough how important it is to actively listen to each other. DO NOT sit there thinking of what you want to say next. LISTEN to what they say. Ask them to explain. Remember, this person is who you chose to be with. So why would you be uninterested in things they like? Think of how good it feels when someone is interested in the same thing that you are. Well, they long for that connection as well.
It is all too easy to get into a rut: Get up, go to work, come home, complain about your day, the traffic, eat dinner, sit down and watch the TV, go to bed. Repeat ad nauseam. Is THAT the kind of life you want?
When we see each other, after a days work, we smile, hug each other tightly and kiss. Every time. Why? Because we are genuinely happy to see each other.
NEVER take each other for granted. Give each other a goodbye kiss when going out the door. Tell them you love them and ask them to drive safely. We add to that by daily praying for each other's safety and safe return.
Brainstorm. Make lists of things you'd like to do together, and PLAN when to do them. SO many people spend way too much time neck bent looking at their phone, swiping and sliding. Oh, they might be making small talk with each other or showing each other what they are looking at. Is that paying attention to EACH OTHER? Of course not.
Science has clearly shown that the light from TVs, tablets and "smart" phones is bad for us. Especially in the evenings. In fact, scientists and physicians recommend that there be a NO-SCREENS rule for the bedroom. Bedrooms should be for sleeping and lovemaking. Any lights by the bed should put out a warm (orange) light. When you look at buying LED bulbs, those for your bedside should have a lower Kelvin rating, around 2000. Daylight bulbs, which are around 5000 mimic the blue light of the sun and tell your brain to wake up. The box the bulbs are in will have a graph showing the light bulb's color. The warmer light spectrum tells you it's time to sleep. If you find you can't relax, read a BOOK, a real made from paper, book, using that warm light. Believe me, it works. I read every night before I go to sleep.
That is enough for now. I hope that you are gaining from my efforts here. While I am far from perfect, we know that we are perfect for each other. I pray that you two feel that way too.
Scott
August 2019
#3
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